Facing the Facts

My intention of this blog is this: to share the good, bad and the ugly of PCOS through encouraging words, but also through the facts and my encounters with the disease. Unfortunately, not every blog is uplifting, but its at least truthful and at least from the heart to hopefully help others walking the same path.

Part of stepping out denial about yourself is learning the facts whether they are good or bad. I'm freaking out cause I think I might have bad news tomorrow. I recently had blood taken and I am afraid the results are not going to be what I wanted to hear. I got the lovely call today that said I had to meet with someone about "disease management". Incredible huh?!

I am trying to remind myself Romans 8:28 "We know that God makes all things work together for the good of those who love Him and are chosen to be part of His plan." Even though I do not know the results just yet, I do know this; God loves me and He wants best for me. His thoughts are higher than mine. My idea of becoming healthy inside and out is not necessarily His idea.

There are two things I choose during this time of freaking out and stepping out of denial. First I choose to surrender to what the doctors say. My personality wants to not accept their diagnosis and rebel. But I will not. I will listen and choose to obey their directions. Secondly, I will to have joy through this all. I learned this week the difference between joy and happiness. Happiness is a response to a situation. Joy is a decision. I will have joy. There are many people in the United States that can not afford health care, but I get to have someone help me be healthy. There are many people who are immobile and have no way of communicating with friends or society. I can still move and breathe. Not to mention, I have the best friends a girl could ask for. Many people do not have hope or even I higher power. Not only do I have a higher power, but I have the higher power. In my God I find hope, grace, forgiveness, love and health. He is bigger and He wins. My God trumps all.

I Win.

Funny how God gets our attention sometimes. It's sad that He has to wake me up in the middle of the night where there's no distractions and no where to go. I thank God they He cares enough about me to stop me in my tracks to have a conversation with me.

Anyways, as I usually do when I can't sleep, I turn on the tv and began listening to a lady talk on forgiveness. I started thinking..."God, is there someone I need to forgive?" If you are like me, a list came to mind. But that's when God showed me something different. He gently prompted me that along with those that I should forgive, I should forgive myself as well.

The lady talked explained that forgiveness can keep you in a place of captivity. When we hold on to our hurts and disappointments, we stay disabled. Good news though. Through Christ we are able.

I started thinking of the hurts and disappointments I am holding on to when it comes to my PCOS. All this time, I felt like I've been on a roller coaster with high, lows and many sharps curves, some sending me in a complete upside down loop. I feel that I have had successful times, but I always assume that failure is right around the corner.

Well right now, I choose to forgive myself. I am not a failure. I win. With God, I can not fail. I am able . Through Him I can and will make decisions that create life and complete health. I deserve it: not because of anything I did or possess, but because of what He did and what He possesses.